Why your in-laws are not your court-of-law?


Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash
Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

What happens to smart, educated, financially independent women that they get played up by their parents-in-law to sabotage their entire being? Get scarred for their lifetimes?

Look anywhere, any nation, any civilized society, and examples would be found easily enough. More so if the nation is developing or if the class is middle-middle. Doesn’t this ring bell for all married women across the globe for better or worse?

Women who were smart once, who could run their lives with full confidence, get easily enslaved by these self-proclaimed Demigods. I am not even talking about women susceptible to easy maneuvers.

What is it that makes the gang-of-parents-in-law read mothers-in-law read monsters-in-law get the best of these smart flamboyant women so easily?

Somehow, I see the connection with the social fabric. All the stages and important events that are made to matter for a woman are meant to make her believe that ways of society are impenetrable and far superior to actual law. Let us look at them with a close lens.

Upbringing – the pre-defined role

Girls right from their youth especially in developing countries are trained to please parents-in-law at any cost. They are told time and again how their desires can only be fulfilled post-marriage if they keep gang-of-in-law happy, forget about the only husband or immediate family but the entire clan. “Pleasing nasty gang-of-in-law” is made one and only duty of a girl’s life. This is completely hardwired in their brains that they by default start taking this gang as the final and only decisive authority on all issues of their lives. Both parents and relatives are completely responsible for this situation. The majority of girls are never able to find fault in this mechanism and accept their fate. The rebels find it no easy to break free from this set notion.

Social conventions – the melodrama of keeping a family close-knit

The actual close-knit families in developed nations believe in staying close by in their own accommodation to get together on all important occasions, festivals, events and not close enough to interrupt the flow of personal life on a daily basis.

Now let us look at how “close-knit-family” operates in developing nations like India. Close-knit family here is the one that stays together, eats together, baths together, sleeps together, laughs together, cries together, dramatize together. To conclude a family that intrudes each other’s space together-together. A family that knows no bounds to intrusion. A family that constantly pries your personal life. A family that believes in the non-existence of couple boundaries save alone personal.

So, a girl is brought up to keep this closely-knit family even closer post-marriage and for some reason entire burden of keeping peace at any cost in the family is dumped on her. For some reason, the onus of relationship dynamics of this close-knit family, especially of the boy with his parents, is projected to be the girl’s responsibilities. So, if anything goes wrong then the girl is to blame. To keep sanity in the house, to maintain dynamics of the relationships she has to learn ways of her new family which are completely dictated by the Demigods of that abode i.e. her mother/monster-in-law or even worse parents-in-law. She is tutored to dance around mother-in-law, accept verbal abuse, put up with domestic violence and harassment of all kinds silently.

The most important way of life in a close-knit family is to please gods all the time at any cost so that they do not wreck-havoc on the relationship of the couple. This confuses newly wedded women to the extent of making them insecure about their decisions all the time. Insecurity and a plead for approval become very foundation of a couple’s relationship. At many places, a couple is not even able to see that parents-in-law constantly stand between them. Even by any stroke of luck or self-analysis or bitter experiences if a woman is able to figure this out than it is almost next to impossible to make her man see the dynamic of their relationship. After all, why would his lovely parents want to control their relationship? This makes a woman even more insecure who neither has gang-of-in-law nor husband to her side. Not to forget these women are just prepared to serve close-knit families not deal with life through financial independence.

You, of course, cannot stay in a separate house/apartment if you happen to work for living within a 50 km radius of the original abode of Demigods. You have to live with the parents giving illusions of a happily close-knit family sacrificing your desires and relationship because that’s the code and who can this outsider be to re-write the code?

Marriage – the only sacred event of life

I read it somewhere that, “Indian society is in-law dominated” and I find it quite true looking at the condition of married women where they need the approval of entire in-law clan for fulfilling simplest of their desires. I think I can safely extend this to all developing nations going through my research. What and how events of marriage go are completely dictated by the groom’s side. No one cares what the bride’s side of the family wants what if they bear the entire cost of the wedding; spending savings of lifetime for this event which too is wrong, but I would rather save it for another blog. Talking about the culture of a couple planning their own wedding would be completely futile here after all that only happens in first world nations that have reached the pinnacle of understanding and respecting individuality.

A marriage is a culmination of cultures from two families. Ideally, a newly-wed couple should begin their married life separately so that they may spend time to understand each other and the dynamics of marriage but this is not considered normal looking at close-knit family tradition as if the only life goal of a daughter-in-law is to take royal heir away who are not royals 99.9% of the times. This proposal rather brings wreckage on a woman by bringing the title of home-wrecker if she wishes to spend time with so-called life-partner, after all, she is married to the entire clan, not the prince charming.

Final bridal tutorial to put up with Demigods – A survival kit

 A social conditioning of years during upbringing isn’t enough. Girls are put on a fast-track-crash-course to adopt best practices of killing their individuality to achieve one of the only two goals of their lives as DILs. And here no prizes for guessing what those goals are, one obviously being the best clown out there to entertain clan-of-in-law and second is to pop out a baby as speedily as possible on the pretext of so many biological and social reasons.

All rituals revolve around making mother-in-law read monster-in-law feel like a queen who has won herself yet another personal slave. I mean why…why most Indian mothers-in-law are so ugly towards their daughters-in-law? I know there are exceptions and I have seen both.

The ugly mother-in-law dictates all rules of the house, chaperones the DIL making her believe that she has no individual human rights. Daughter-in-law is further doomed if both parents-in-law are partners in the crime.

I am not even starting on the role of daily prime time soaps and movies that somehow teach women to give in to prove that goodness wins over evil just by believing that this would happen one day automatically, and people would see how good that innocent daughter-in-law is. This doesn’t happen in real life. All that happens is that after years of resentment and conditioning these same young women turn into their own ugly mothers-in-law when their time arrives. This becomes the usual, cultural and only right way of treating new woman in the family. After all, why should the new generation have it anyway different?

This entire above set of events makes women believe that their parents-in-law are the only people that matter. They become her spoken/unspoken court-of-law or rather are made as if she was an object whose ownership exchanged hands post-wedding.

These women accept and believe in the authority of gang-in-law without questioning the rules, regulations, double standards set to make their lives unbearable. What these rules are set up for? For whose benefit? Why do in-laws get to regulate the life of an adult or a married couple? Nobody wants to question and find the root cause to change.

The only answer is that it runs in the culture. Well, then this is where it must stop running any further.

Time to change. No woman needs any one’s approval to lead the kind of life that she wants, the way she wants to run her house whether financially dependent or independent. She does not need to make any relative her court-of-law unless qualifies.

There is a reason that the judicial system is in place, where people are appointed when they qualify. If you do need to take your issues to a court then do take them to the actual judicial court, the one that really matters, where well educated, experienced and qualified judges sit and hear both sides non-partially, where you are treated as a human, where you can practice your individual rights for a fair trial.

I have said it quite often that legal language is the only true language and I couldn’t emphasize enough that how important is it to understand when and how people bend legal language to social to suit their ways and become your court-of-law.

Remember, anyone has power over you only by the time you allow them to. Should you need, go to the real court than giving this power to anyone around who doesn’t deserve it. This would keep the sanctity of the legal institutions intact, depriving anyone that final and legal authority over you.

Remember no one rules you but you. I wish this was the main theme of life tutorial for girls right from the beginning. But who says wishes can not come true.

47 Replies to “Why your in-laws are not your court-of-law?”

  1. Do you have a spam problem on this site; I
    also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; we have created some nice practices and we are
    looking to trade solutions with other folks, why not shoot me an email if interested.

  2. I in addition to my pals appeared to be checking out the nice guides located on your web page and then at once developed a terrible suspicion I never thanked you for those secrets. My people appeared to be certainly stimulated to see them and have now absolutely been tapping into these things. Thank you for being well thoughtful and also for pick out variety of nice information millions of individuals are really eager to know about. My very own honest regret for not saying thanks to you sooner.

  3. My spouse and i were very glad Jordan managed to finish off his survey through the ideas he grabbed when using the web site. It is now and again perplexing to simply always be freely giving techniques other people could have been selling. And now we fully understand we have the website owner to appreciate because of that. All of the explanations you have made, the straightforward web site menu, the relationships you can help foster – it is mostly astonishing, and it’s aiding our son and the family imagine that this theme is cool, which is certainly highly serious. Many thanks for the whole thing!

  4. I really wanted to make a brief note in order to express gratitude to you for these pleasant items you are posting at this site. My time intensive internet investigation has at the end of the day been honored with useful know-how to share with my classmates and friends. I would assert that many of us website visitors actually are really blessed to exist in a really good website with very many awesome professionals with very beneficial plans. I feel really lucky to have seen your web pages and look forward to many more thrilling times reading here. Thanks once again for a lot of things.

  5. I precisely wished to appreciate you all over again. I’m not certain what I could possibly have carried out in the absence of those solutions revealed by you relating to this question. It became an absolute alarming condition for me personally, but considering the very skilled style you treated that made me to leap with joy. I am just happy for your advice and as well , have high hopes you comprehend what a powerful job that you’re getting into training most people using your webpage. Most likely you have never got to know any of us.

  6. I must express my affection for your generosity supporting those who require help on in this idea. Your personal commitment to passing the message around turned out to be definitely invaluable and have frequently encouraged individuals like me to realize their dreams. Your amazing useful hints and tips indicates a lot to me and much more to my fellow workers. Thanks a ton; from everyone of us.

  7. After I initially commented I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is
    added I receive 4 emails with the same comment.
    Is there an easy method you can remove me from that service?
    Appreciate it!

  8. I’ve been surfing on-line greater than 3 hours these
    days, but I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours.

    It’s beautiful price enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and
    bloggers made good content as you did, the net will likely be much more useful than ever before.

  9. What’s up it’s me, I am also visiting this website daily, this website is actually
    good and the people are really sharing pleasant thoughts.

  10. Thank you a lot for providing individuals with such a spectacular chance to read from this blog. It can be so brilliant and jam-packed with fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your web site at the very least three times a week to study the new issues you will have. Of course, I am just actually astounded with the excellent methods you give. Some 4 facts in this post are honestly the most efficient we have all ever had.

  11. Hello! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established
    blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not
    very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast.
    I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure
    where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions?

    Thank you

  12. Thanks a lot for giving everyone a very spectacular opportunity to read articles and blog posts from here. It’s usually very excellent and also full of a lot of fun for me and my office acquaintances to search the blog no less than thrice per week to see the new issues you have. And lastly, I am certainly satisfied for the excellent thoughts served by you. Certain 2 ideas on this page are easily the best we have all had.

  13. I want to to thank you for this good read!! I certainly enjoyed
    every bit of it. I have you saved as a favorite to look at new things you post…

  14. I and also my buddies were found to be analyzing the good things on the blog and then all of a sudden I got a terrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the web site owner for those tips. My women appeared to be warmed to read all of them and have in effect undoubtedly been having fun with these things. Appreciation for simply being well accommodating as well as for finding variety of smart tips millions of individuals are really eager to know about. My sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to you sooner.

  15. I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a
    blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head.

    The issue is something which not enough men and women are
    speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy I found this in my search for something relating
    to this.

  16. My spouse and I stumbled over here coming from a different page
    and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I
    see so now i’m following you. Look forward to checking out your web page repeatedly.

  17. Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured
    I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest
    writing a blog post or vice-versa? My site covers a lot
    of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you might be interested feel free to send me an email.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

  18. Aw, this was a really nice post. Spending some time and actual effort to produce a really
    good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot and don’t
    seem to get nearly anything done.

  19. I would like to express appreciation to you for bailing me out of this matter. Right after browsing throughout the search engines and seeing notions which were not powerful, I thought my entire life was over. Existing without the solutions to the difficulties you’ve sorted out all through the guide is a crucial case, as well as ones which may have in a wrong way damaged my career if I hadn’t discovered your web site. Your personal ability and kindness in touching all the things was crucial. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had not come across such a thing like this. I can also at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for your specialized and effective help. I won’t think twice to endorse your site to any individual who will need assistance about this subject matter.

  20. Somebody essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. This is the first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I surprised with the research you made to make this particular publish extraordinary. Fantastic job!

  21. I am also writing to make you be aware of of the terrific experience my friend’s daughter encountered studying your blog. She picked up plenty of pieces, most notably what it is like to possess an excellent coaching mood to get the others just gain knowledge of specific problematic subject areas. You undoubtedly did more than people’s desires. Many thanks for delivering the necessary, safe, explanatory as well as easy tips about that topic to Mary.

  22. I am glad for commenting to make you be aware of what a extraordinary discovery my princess undergone reading through your web page. She mastered numerous details, most notably what it is like to have a great giving style to make men and women quite simply learn about chosen multifaceted issues. You undoubtedly surpassed people’s desires. Thanks for coming up with those warm and helpful, dependable, explanatory and even easy guidance on your topic to Tanya.

  23. My family always say that I am wasting my time here at web, except I know I am getting familiarity daily by reading
    thes fastidious content.

  24. I simply wanted to develop a small word to be able to express gratitude to you for all of the great facts you are giving out on this website. My extensive internet look up has at the end of the day been rewarded with good quality knowledge to exchange with my neighbours. I ‘d assert that many of us website visitors actually are definitely blessed to dwell in a superb community with so many marvellous people with very beneficial tips and hints. I feel pretty privileged to have encountered your web site and look forward to plenty of more excellent minutes reading here. Thanks once more for all the details.

  25. I want to express my affection for your kind-heartedness supporting women who should have help on this important topic. Your special dedication to getting the message around appeared to be especially productive and has specifically helped somebody just like me to reach their dreams. Your personal informative guideline signifies much a person like me and extremely more to my mates. Thanks a ton; from all of us.

  26. I am just commenting to let you understand what a helpful encounter my cousin’s princess went through browsing your site. She mastered several details, with the inclusion of what it’s like to possess a wonderful giving character to let a number of people with ease gain knowledge of a number of impossible matters. You really exceeded our own expected results. I appreciate you for delivering such helpful, healthy, explanatory and also unique thoughts on this topic to Kate.

  27. Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I to
    find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot.
    I’m hoping to give something again and aid others such
    as you helped me.

  28. Hi there! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was
    wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for
    my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having
    difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  29. My husband and i were absolutely happy Peter managed to round up his studies by way of the precious recommendations he got from your very own weblog. It is now and again perplexing to simply be giving away guides which often many others could have been making money from. We really understand we have the blog owner to thank because of that. The specific illustrations you’ve made, the straightforward site menu, the friendships you will assist to create – it’s everything amazing, and it’s really making our son and the family recognize that that theme is cool, and that’s exceedingly pressing. Many thanks for the whole lot!

  30. I in addition to my pals have already been checking the nice secrets found on your website while then I had a horrible feeling I never expressed respect to the web site owner for them. My ladies were joyful to read all of them and have pretty much been taking advantage of them. Appreciation for getting quite accommodating as well as for picking this sort of quality things millions of individuals are really desperate to be informed on. My sincere apologies for not expressing appreciation to you earlier.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *